When I’m in positive mode, I can bring myself around to thinking that I owe a huge debt to my diabetes.  After all, it is what finally got me up to start making the changes I new I needed to make to my life.  I may have been in denial about just how much weight I had gained, but I knew I needed to lose weight and get in to better shape.  Knowing the health benefits, wanting to be thin for my wedding, and learning that losing weight might help me get pregnant, which is very important to me (and still on the list), wasn’t enough to motivate me. 

And ultimately, I think it is my diabetes that will help be continue to lose weight and keep it off.  Because eating healthy and being active isn’t just a matter of willpower and motivation for me.  It’s a quality of life issue.  If I get thin and stay thin, I can have a normal life, and avoid many of the complications that come from diabetes.  And there are some big scary complications, like losing limbs and going blind and being more prone to strokes and heart disease.  Well, not me baby, not if I can help it!  And that’s what will keep me working out, finding ways to be more active, and making healthy choices.  That’s what will make me ask myself, “what will this do to my body and my blood sugar” before I dive in and devour half a sleeve of girl scout cookies or go for that third piece of pizza.  That’s what will keep me from getting takeout and sitting on the couch after a long day at work instead of doing a workout video and having a salad.  And then I wonder, is that the way it is for people who never get fat in the first place?  Do they have some inner filter that I’m missing that keeps them from overeating? 

It’s weird though, sometimes, to stop and think that this isn’t just a short term change.  This is for the rest of my life.  I guess I’m hoping I can learn to be like a natural born thin person, so that exercise and eating right become habits, and then become the way that I am, without even having to think about it.