January 9, 2007
Day 161

The migraines have continued. I have tried going off anything that might be related to them. The neurologist has prescribed Maxalt for occasional attacks, which works great except in cases where headaches occur more than a few times a week. I have been batting a thousand there. My most recent headache started before Christmas and now has continued 15 days. It is ever present and it is scaring me to death. I can’t sleep until 3:30-4am typically and am up again at 8:45. It’s crazy. I think my fiancé wonders when I will crack. Working out actually helps wake me up but in the morning I am physically running into things, things like doors and walls. He’s also kinda amazed I can function going to bed so late and then getting up earlier. He’s usually a little more wrecked when he goes to sleep at 4am. Either way, now the neurologist has prescribed me prophylactic drugs (Topomax) and warned me against continuing with Jenny Craig. Plus I get an MRI at 8am tomorrow morning. Nothing could be more fun!

January 8, 2007
Day 160

Ok, I just saw an ad for Thai restaurant intern. You have to be an intern now before working in a restaurant. Oh.My.God. No, I'm not trolling the restaurant ads because I am so hungry. I am looking for part-time work that falls into the narrow chasm between time around my son and time before internship starts.

Another random factoid of the day- I saw a man get out of his pick up truck wearing red fishnets, red high heels, a red short mini skirt, and a sweater and fake breasts. Gotta love the city.

I have had a day that can be described as a whirlwind of emotions. I totally broke own a few hours ago when I missed yet another psychiatrist appointment for my son. AHHHHH! I cannot get my act together. I am stretched too thin say my friends and fiancé. But I say bring on the dancing girls, I need more work to make me feel valuable and validated! More scheduling forces me to be more organized. This week sums up the problems thus far in my life-ambivalent.

January 3, 2007
Day 155

I feel like I have posted something along these lines before. In fact, I'm pretty sure I have a few times. But the effect is so impressive to me that I have to reiterate that nothing motivates like frustration and anxiety. Positive energy works too, but most of the time I am dealing with a lot of pent up stress when I go to the gym and I notice the effect on my workout. Now I have heard others talk about how it really doesn't help all that much to workout when you are stressed and that some research study somewhere proved that stress levels remained high after a workout when under duress. That said, I have an unlimited amount of energy in the gym when I am under pressure of some sort.

December 30, 2006
Day 151

I finally made it to Jenny Craig this week to have my weekly weigh in which I have missed for almost a month. I was not happy (but not surprised) to learn I gained three pounds. The holidays are hell. Not only that but I had all my family and my fiancé at home for Christmas. The math is as follows:

My Mother (lots of cheese and breads) +
My Sister (Chinese food) +
My Father (nervous eater of lunchmeats and lattes) +
Fiancé and three year old son (Mac and cheese, chocolate and lots of cookies)
= diet failure of extraordinary proportions for me

I did try but I am not to be trusted around tasty food. I know this is a lame excuse. Don't you think I realize this? Nevertheless, I succumbed as I usually do and I feel bad. I have kept up with my workouts. The problem is that working out and eating crap doesn't work. They don't cancel each other out as I was so hoping they would. All that happened was I felt my exercise clothes and my underwear to be a bit tighter.

December 17, 2006
Day 138

Winter Holiday Tips From JC

So, I recently picked up this guide to holiday eating from JC and finally got around to looking at it. I received a similar guide for Halloween but didn’t get around to posting some of the hilarious “suggestions” Jenny Craig has. The Christmas tips sheet isn’t so bad. But there are still a few Tips that I find irritating and would love to share my frustration with the Diet Channel community!!

Things I Agree with:

1. “Shopping at the grocery store on a full stomach.” Always a good idea in my book.
2. “Set a goal weight for the holidays. Take into consideration your holiday schedule and decide if it is reasonable to maintain your weight or set a more reasonable weight loss goal.” I like this. It is realistic.

Dec 14, 2006
Day 135

I admit that I haven’t been doing very well recently. Now that my fiancé is here, I go out to eat regularly on Friday night. We have a short lived debate about where to go which usually ends in only one answer, The Cheesecake Factory. I don’t know why but we feel comfortable there so that’s where we end up. But I dare anyone to resist the temptations of the quesadilla, pot stickers or pile of chicken and dumplings! Perhaps it is because it is where we first met up again after 15 years to talk and eat until they closed the restaurant. Maybe it is because the menu is as long as a Dickens novel and represents food from pretty much everywhere. Whatever the reason is, we keep going back. We chat about light topics over coffee and appetizers, we do some financial budgeting, future planning and gossiping about people over entrees and reminisce about the past over dessert. It works. It’s awesome. It also results in a massive stomachache for me later on in the evening.

Day 132
December 11, 2006

Not much to say today on the diet front. I still have not called in my new order of food. I have been living off the dry goods entree options, which I save as "last resorts". I remember why they are last resorts now! Definitely not tasty, except for the ravioli frozen dinner which I had forgotten how much I enjoy. Somehow I got it into my head that it wasn't good or there wasn't enough food, and I ended up leaving it in my freezer for about 4 months or so. I wonder when JC frozen food goes bad? Anyhow, since I was desperate I had to eat it and am very happy I did. Other than that positive experience, I have been suffering with undesirable food options for days. Must get to JC to get better food! I had a stash of strawberry bars that the company is discontinuing and I have been eating those for breakfast every day because I'm out of my other sandwiches and cereal options. Boy, am I sick of fruity cereal bars every morning!

December 7, 2006
Day 128

I walked through most of yesterday in a haze. About five minutes after posting my last entry I got word that the Oregon Police had found the body of James Kim. I have a friend who works at the San Francisco Chronicle and she told me over IM as soon as news came across the wires. I can't tell you how strange it was to see the words

"I'm so sorry"
"He's dead"

Just like that.

Needless to say I didn't eat most of the day and then when I did, it was a lot of crackers and peanut butter followed up by chocolate, coconut, caramel bars at 1:30am. If it wasn't weird enough already, I happened to witness the second floor of a building fall on a guy at 4pm. I mean, what the hell is going on???!?!?! Coincidentally I am sitting in a therapist's office telling her about the Kim family when we both hear a crash and wailing. The townhouse connected to hers collapsed (they were doing construction work) and a concrete slab from the second floor fell on another worker and pinned him. We ran outside and people were running and yelling, "Call 911!" I saw about 5 or 6 guys trying to hold this slab, releasing some of the pressure I guess. They were trying to keep him from being crushed. Then all the fire trucks and ambulances came.

December 6, 2006
Day 127

The last week has been bizarre. A week of ups and downs, highs and lows. On the one hand, my son and my partner who just moved in are getting along great. We consulted a therapist before he moved in to discuss my three year olds feelings about another person living with us, what he would think of Mommy having a partner, etc. The first week was kind of madness and my son was really acting out. But in the last week, with helpful behavioral techniques from the therapist, my son is actually doing great. We all seem to be getting along well together. He even lets him start tucking him in! That was a job reserved only for Mommy! Even the rude behavior, name calling and tantrums seem to have given way to normal interacting between the three of us. It is awesome! It almost feels like my partner has been here forever. Now wait, as soon as I say that the tantrums will begin again. No need to jinx myself so soon! In addition to this, my partner got a car so now I won’t worry he has to rely on me to take him around. I am always afraid that will make him feel bad. Anyway, it is so cute. I want it! He has already volunteered at my son’s school to put up some playground equipment and is getting to know people. He totally knows his way around already and it took me two years to figure out the city when I moved here.

Dec 5, 2006
Day 126

This has not been a week conducive to dieting. That must be the reason I conveniently “forgot” to go to my weekly weigh-in at JC on Friday. There has been much unpacking and moving of items around the house. In fact, sometimes it feels like we are just moving boxes back and forth because they won’t fit in one closet but they might fit in the garage, etc. I find myself not eating full meals but snacking instead. I grab a cracker here and there. My partner has his ice cream out so I have a few spoonfuls. Oreo ice cream is hard for me to resist. I never gave it a second thought before but seeing it in person I decided to give it a chance. It was in fact very tasty.