Day 29

As the title suggests, I have issues. Let me preface this by saying that I truly believe I am easy person to get along with. I smile, I’m friendly, I swear to God. But for some reason I get JC counselors who try my patience. I started out with one fairly benign girl who left pretty early on in my diet experience and now I have a woman who bears a disturbing resemblance to my 6th grade teacher. Reader be warned, I am about to get a little nasty.

So, the first JC counselor was nice enough, but Lord help her, she wasn’t very smart. Here is an example for you. One day I explain to JC representative X that I have IBS and I take medication 4 times a day. I told her the doctor provided me with a list of foods that irritate my system and generally make the problem worse (i.e. causes more pain) I explained that this might be a problem with the Jenny Craig diet and we could work together to figure out basically how to deal with the IBS restrictions while also staying close to the JC diet. She seemed confused and I explained it to her a few more times. I broke it down for her as simply as I could- raw vegetables and fruit=pain. Also, tomatoes, onions and garlic, no matter how they are prepared, were proposed to cause problems. As eating raw salads and vegetables and Italian entrees are a major part of the diet, I was concerned. She was very focused and made lots of notes on her JC pad. Then she excused herself to discuss the problem with another JC consultant. When she returned, she looked at me seriously and said “well, if you can’t eat raw apples, then you should eat them with a spoon.” I kid you not. She actually said this. Sure lady, and sucking a milkshake through my nose makes it calorie free, right. I tried to reason with her (eating a raw apple with a spoon is still raw, no?) but she looked at me with a blank, glazed look. I considered shaking her to reset whatever had gone on “tilt” in her brain. Jenny Craig consultant X wasn’t working there the next week.

This is where Jenny Craig consultant Y, or “my 6th grade teacher doppelganger” enters the picture. She has that outfit matches the nail polish kind of look about her. She seems to be around 60, but I can’t really tell. All I can say is that she is abrasive and a few times has said to me after I have fallen off the diet wagon, “that was a stupid thing to do.” Seriously, she makes me nervous. Anyhow, she has given me advice that just isn’t reasonable considering my home life. My favorite has been her advising me to immediately go for a jog when I feel hungry. That’s a great idea but what do I do with my 3 year old? Store him in the closet until I get back? When I reminded her that I tend to get hungry at night when I am fixing his dinner (not Jenny Craig), she laughed and said “oh yea, well you can tell I don’t have kids huh?” Then she persisted and asked why my son couldn’t just read a book or get involved in a project for a while so that I could do something to distract myself from my hunger. Anyone with a 3-year-old boy knows that the idea of that is laughable. Sure, I’ll have him read to himself for little bit and then I’ll have him do some yard work. Maybe he could unplug that drain in the upstairs bathroom?

For now, I am less then impressed by the collective brainpower of Jenny Craig staff.