I Am My Own Enemy
September 8, 2006
I spoke to my friend about my frustrations about my change resistant body. She is also on JC and a good support for me. Her results have been phenomenal and she has committed a good year to the program, so I consider her to be a good resource. She empathized with my complaints but her comments to me were a bit different than the Jenny Craig counselor. She suggested that it might be too early to tell what is genetics and what isn’t.
“Just stay with the program. You need to give it a good year. Commit to the diet and exercise routine and then make determinations then. It takes more than a month and a half for your body to change.”
Truer words were never spoken. I thought it would be easier to boost my metabolism and firm up. But it feels like a horrible, uphill battle. I am sluggish some days and more often than not, I feel like the weight and fatty deposits on the backs of my thighs are glued there. My cellulite reminds me of drug resistant bacteria (again with the pharmaceutical references). What has worked in the past, leg curls, leg presses, walking uphill, biking, all serve to make me exhausted but I see no noticeable aesthetic effects. I need to be realistic when it comes to exercise. Sure, I can work out 2 hours a day 6 days a week now. But what about in a few months? Or next year when I go back to working 40+ hours a week? Will I be able to keep up that pace? I don’t think I will.
Let me also say that it is more than a sluggish metabolism or unrealistic expectations that are upsetting me these days. It is my lack of will power. Every two to three weeks I go out of town for a trip and I find it impossible to stick to my diet. I pack with great determination, enthusiasm reinforced by my recent weight loss. I am sure that this time I will not fail. But before Friday is over, I break my diet. Then I am back on it again on Sunday. IT is just a day and a half but it is enough to set me back of course. You would think I would be motivated given the considerable health benefits I have enjoyed since beginning the diet. Breaking the diet also translates into physical pain for me. Naturally, on Friday night I ended up eating Mexican food and paid severely for it on Saturday and Sunday. Abdominal pain and diarrhea (sorry) have that tendency to ruin outings. You would think this would be deterrent enough. Apparently, it is not.
I need to sit down with my friends and have a serious talk with them. As much as it pains me to say it, I need their support and I need them to help me stay on the diet even when they are sitting across the table from me eating a huge pile of nachos. It has to be this way. Not only do I need to give this diet a fair chance and not break it repeatedly, but also my colon would appreciate it. Seriously, my body just can’t take the abuse I give it. So there you go. I’m enlisting my friends to help me suffer. Kind of twisted if you ask me!