So Profoundly Sad

Submitted by L_ANSARI on Thu, 12/07/2006 - 8:02pm.

December 7, 2006
Day 128

I walked through most of yesterday in a haze. About five minutes after posting my last entry I got word that the Oregon Police had found the body of James Kim. I have a friend who works at the San Francisco Chronicle and she told me over IM as soon as news came across the wires. I can't tell you how strange it was to see the words

"I'm so sorry"
"He's dead"

Just like that.

Needless to say I didn't eat most of the day and then when I did, it was a lot of crackers and peanut butter followed up by chocolate, coconut, caramel bars at 1:30am. If it wasn't weird enough already, I happened to witness the second floor of a building fall on a guy at 4pm. I mean, what the hell is going on???!?!?! Coincidentally I am sitting in a therapist's office telling her about the Kim family when we both hear a crash and wailing. The townhouse connected to hers collapsed (they were doing construction work) and a concrete slab from the second floor fell on another worker and pinned him. We ran outside and people were running and yelling, "Call 911!" I saw about 5 or 6 guys trying to hold this slab, releasing some of the pressure I guess. They were trying to keep him from being crushed. Then all the fire trucks and ambulances came.

After that I felt like things were metaphorically and literally falling down around me. I tried to walk around and then go to the gym but James Kim was everywhere. His face was on every channel while newscasters discussed the level of pain and delirium he must have been experiencing. It was too overwhelming. When I went back out onto the street, it seemed like everyone was happy and laughing. I kept thinking, why are they talking about their groceries? Can't they see what's going on? I felt like I had a terrible secret that they didn't know.

Anyway, I hope to get back on track in the next day or two. I haven't been to Jenny Craig and I am running out of food. I will give them a call today. There is a meeting tomorrow at my son's school to discuss the tragedy and what to tell our kids. It is just surreal.