January 8, 2007
Day 160

Ok, I just saw an ad for Thai restaurant intern. You have to be an intern now before working in a restaurant. Oh.My.God. No, I'm not trolling the restaurant ads because I am so hungry. I am looking for part-time work that falls into the narrow chasm between time around my son and time before internship starts.

Another random factoid of the day- I saw a man get out of his pick up truck wearing red fishnets, red high heels, a red short mini skirt, and a sweater and fake breasts. Gotta love the city.

I have had a day that can be described as a whirlwind of emotions. I totally broke own a few hours ago when I missed yet another psychiatrist appointment for my son. AHHHHH! I cannot get my act together. I am stretched too thin say my friends and fiancé. But I say bring on the dancing girls, I need more work to make me feel valuable and validated! More scheduling forces me to be more organized. This week sums up the problems thus far in my life-ambivalent.

----Volunteering to help a family who has suffered a tremendous loss this month (who are part of my son’s school)—yea me
----Eating way off my diet Friday and Saturday and feeling swollen and crappy—bad me
----Taking my son to a new park/museum/ fun day- way to go me!
----Not writing my blog-bad me
----Crying over not being able to handle my schedule and feeling overwhelmed with child duties-out of control me. So totally embarrassed
-----Investigating martial arts schools for my son-great job me!

I seem of two minds. I am undecided about how I feel about everything. I can’t decide who I am. I can’t even decide whether or not I want to be self deprecating or proud of myself. Am I having an Existential crisis? Tell me, I can't decide.