After just downing 2 pieces of leftover pizza for lunch, I think it’s safe to say that I have officially and completely fallen off the wagon. I am not proud of this, but it’s true. In my last entry I wrote about how skipping out of the meeting may have left me this week without a much needed dose of inspiration.

So, as you know – I had my first weigh-in since starting the program 3 days ago – and found that I had gained 2 lbs. But although I was disappointed and frustrated, I promised myself that I wasn’t going to give up  - I just needed to be patient until I started to see results. The part of all this that I neglected to mention last week was that, after weighing in, I left the meeting.

Ugh. This is not starting well. While not perfect, over the course of the past week, I’d begun to think and act like a dieter. I was making better food choices, limiting my portion sizes and even sitting quietly as others devoured cheeseburgers, onion rings and shakes in front of me. My fridge is full of produce, I’ve started packing lunches for work and forcing myself to drink more water – and all for what? 2 lbs. – in the wrong direction.

I had a big personal victory last night. All month, I’ve had to work late. To keep people here, the company usually brings in dinner from any one of a number of take out places in the area. Last night they brought in my favorite from an old-fashioned type of hamburger stand. There were hamburgers, bacon-cheeseburgers, fries, onion rings and shakes for 20. Somehow, I managed to join my colleagues at the table, steal only 2 fries and pass on the rest. It was 7:00, I was hungry, I had another hour of work to do before I could go home to eat, but I resisted. And it felt so good to be in control! 

Day 4 – and I haven’t weighed myself yet. Mostly, I think, because I don’t want to be disappointed. I wasn’t very good this weekend. Or rather, I didn’t stick to my 20 point limit. But I did make specific food choices with my diet in mind and I did limit my portion size. So, I may not see the scale budge much this week, but I am psychologically getting into the swing of things. 

Hanging out with friends at the beach over the weekend proved to be pretty difficult on the diet. I took one of the counselor’s many suggestions and had a filling, yet healthy lunch before arriving at 1:30. That way – I at least was able to avoid at least one dieting pitfall. But then dinner came – and the group wanted pizza – you know, the big flat greasy pies you get at the beach. One slice and 2 glasses of wine and I knew without counting that I had blown it. At that point, there’s not much you can do but resolve to be better tomorrow. 

The sun has just risen on Day 2 of my diet – and I’m actually hungry for breakfast for the first time in months. It feels kind of good – like I must have eaten appropriately last night so that I went to bed satisfied, and woke up hungry. Luckily, I took the Weight Watchers counselor’s advice and actually prepared for this diet, stocking the house with appropriate foods for the plan. I love the Quaker Instant Oatmeal packages – and the ones with less sugar are only 2 points One of those and a cup of grapes and I’m a satisfied 3 points into my day.

Ever wake up one morning and just know that it was time to make a change in your life? Well, that happened to me a few weeks back. My life was in a mild state of chaos. My apartment was being sold out from underneath me, my life savings was about as safely invested as placing it all on “black” in Vegas and my job was in chaos. I needed control of something, anything really, that would make me feel better about life and about myself. What could it be?

I didn’t need to look far to remember that extra 15 lbs that I’ve been carrying around my waist for the past year – the ones that make me feel tired, reduce my wardrobe to only my fat pants and make me gag at the thought of shopping. That was it, I was going to take control, lose the weight, get back by energy, boost my self-confidence and reclaim my wardrobe. And after that, we’d see about the rest.